I used to ride bikes. I used to run, jump and go rollerblading and bowling with friends. I used to dance around my room like no one was watching and play volleyball at the park. I used to be able to do so many things, until October 31, 2015 when my knee dislocated on that life changing Halloween Day.

To say I’m clumsy is an understatement. Growing up I often ran into things, toys, people, walls. You name it, I’ve probably run into it at some point in my life. So, when the initial injury occurred, I wasn’t surprised honestly. Let me take you back to that day back when I was 15-years-old.

I remember riding my bike to the park. It was around noon, and it being late October, I was able to feel small goosebumps forming on my skin.

When I got to the park, I noticed the sky was really pretty. At the local park there is this weird bungee cord structure and it is in the shape of a pyramid. Me, being the photo freak I was back then I wanted to get a really nice picture. There were a bunch of houses in the way so I thought it would be a good idea to climb up the structure to get a clearer picture. When I got to the top, I noticed the breeze was picking up. Because I knew how clumsy I was, I felt unsafe, so I ditched taking a picture and began to climb down. I was at a point on the structure when there wasn’t really anywhere else to go, so I put all of my weight on my right knee while hanging on with my hands, my left leg was dangling, and I was preparing to jump since it was only about a foot drop.

Before I could actually jump all of my weight was distributed on my right knee, (later on I realized I distributed my weight incorrectly, which is what caused my knee to shift out of place). All I remember was my right knee popping and that’s when I fell. At first I didn’t think anything of it because the pop I felt, felt like a normal crack that my knees would do. It was almost like popping my knuckles. However when I went to stand up I felt this immense stabbing pain in my knee. I basically had a full-blown panic attack because at that point in my life I had never broken a bone or fractured anything.

I sat on the ground for about 20 or so minutes, trying to get up when I realized that this isn’t going to work. So I called my mom and she helped me get into the car, and we drove to the emergency room. We got to the emergency room at about 1 p.m., I was checked in and ready to go. At about 5 p.m. my results from the X-ray were back. At that point they told me nothing looked broken and that I probably just sprained it. They wrapped my knee in an Ace bandage, gave me some crutches, and told me to schedule an appointment with a professional.

That following Tuesday was when we scheduled a doctor’s appointment to get my knee checked out. At that point, my knee was swollen to probably three times its normal size. The doctor wanted to do a separate X-ray, but he told me, at that point, with the amount of fluid that was in my knee it would be nearly impossible to actually see anything. So he scheduled me to get an MRI the following Wednesday  (which was Nov. 11).

So I got the MRI and then fast forward to the following Monday, Nov. 16, my results were back. It was told to me that my knee had dislocated and that I fractured my knee cap as a result of it. At the time we didn’t know the extensiveness of the injury that I had damaged cartilage muscle and ligaments in my knee. I was put in a Velcro knee brace that was to keep my entire leg straight, and I needed to wear that for about a month.

Up until this point he said surgery shouldn’t be necessary, mostly because I wasn’t a student-athlete. I didn’t participate in any sports or athletic things, so he felt it would have been unnecessary to do surgery for something that could heal on its own overtime.

So a month of crutches, I went back on Dec. 14. My knee had felt a lot better. It didn’t feel quite as tense and it wasn’t as swollen as it was previously. I was told to do physical therapy to strengthen the muscle I lost over the span of a month and a half. I went to about four physical therapy sessions throughout winter break to learn the exercises that I needed to strengthen my knee. After taking the knee brace off, I could hardly bend it on my own. I  had lost most of the motor skills that I had to move my knee, to the point where I couldn’t lift my leg onto my bed and I had to use my arm to lift it.

Everything was fine, or so I thought. My world came crashing down yet again but this time it happened  a long time after the initial injury. In May of 2017 me and my friend had hoped to join the volleyball team together. I loved volleyball both playing it and watching it and I thought it would be a good possibility to help get me scholarship money to some extent. So on the last day of school, which was May 25, I went to the park with a freshly pumped volleyball to practice for the tryouts that were going to be coming in August.

Everything was completely fine. I was stupid and didn’t wear my knee brace when I knew I probably should have  (at this point I only needed to wear a small knee support brace just in case of an emergency because my the muscle in my knee that kept it in place was weakened). I slightly bent down to hit the ball and I felt the exact same pop felt those many months ago.I was able to walk on it, when I initially broke my knee, I couldn’t move it, I couldn’t walk on it, I couldn’t even stand up without it hurting. So I just limped home told my mom and because it I was able to walk on it and it was already summer break there was no urgency to go to the doctor. So at home I elevated it and I iced it on my own and after about a week it was fine.

After that it was alright. For the beginning of my senior year, I had been having an internal battle in my head over whether I wanted to do PE in class or take an online health class in order to get my PE credit to graduate. I knew I loved  participating in the sports, so I decided to take the class itself and just be extra cautious by wearing my knee brace and making sure not to  push myself too hard.

There were a few slip-ups (twice to be exact) when I stepped wrong and I had it slightly hurt my knee, but it had never popped out. Just recently, on  Friday Dec. 1, we were playing volleyball which, if you couldn’t tell up until this point is my favorite sport. I don’t remember much, because I might have been in some sort of traumatic state, but all I remember was going down to hit the volleyball and my knee popping twice. It was a very distinct pop that I will never forget. Like I said, I don’t remember most of what happened, apparently everyone said I fell to the floor and that the entire gym was silent, and that Coach Mould was talking to me and making sure I was okay. He helped me over to a bench where some classmates helped me wrap my knee to stabilize it.

The sad thing is, the morning before this happened, I noticed my knee brace was missing. For PE I use two knee braces: one black one that’s really secure and stabilizes my knee correctly, and a cheaper elastic one that I use if we’re not doing anything too strenuous such as dodgeball or any other sport that doesn’t require as much strain on my knee. That morning, the black knee brace was missing and I couldn’t find it, so when I played dodgeball I only used the cheaper elastic knee brace.

At that point my mom had a growing concern on what I wanted to do next. I  was going to graduate soon and go off to the University of Arizona which is about two and a half hours away from home. She didn’t want something to happen to me while I was down in Tucson, so I knew this is when I needed to start considering surgery. It was never a growing issue before because I wasn’t into any athletic sports. However, if this was going to continue, I don’t want to have to worry about something simple like walking down the stairs and my knee popping out of place.

At this point in my life, I’m running through a pro and con list on what I should do, and if I do decide to go through with a surgery, whether I should do it sooner or wait until summer after I graduate.

Having a bad knee doesn’t cast a huge shadow on my life, for it has brought some light into my life. Having a messed up knee has taught me a very important lesson that many don’t learn until the end of their years. It’s that life is precious. You should be grateful for what you have because you never know when your world can collapse and slip out from under you.